Dear Rotten Tomatoes, 

It’s been a long time coming that I write this letter to you. I don’t mean to sound too harsh and certainly don’t intend to hurt your feelings, but I am breaking up with you.

I simply don’t trust what you say. 

It’s not that you talked smack about one of my favorite movies behind its back. That simply would not be fair to you or me. 

And no, it’s not that you’re so snobbish and erudite in your opinions that I can barely stand to listen to you sometimes. Believe me, if that were it, we wouldn’t have lasted as long as we did. I do now as I have always done, look past that personality flaw.  

The reason I am leaving you is rather simple. In a word: cheating. 

Yes, I found out. And no, there is nothing you can do. I see now that for the last six or seven years you have been cheating me out of good movies that you did not believe worthy of my attention because you simply did not like the director or his style or some other minor plot point irritated you personally.

I have gone by your recommendations exclusively just as you asked and time and time again I have ended up in a bad way, hurt and outraged and alone. And when I have gone my own way, ignored your arguments, I have found some true gems that have enriched my life.

I feel you are self serving or perhaps, dare I say, too in love with yourself to see the good in others. I don’t know. Maybe all that time you spent in Hollywood has gone to your head. I can’t be sure, but I can say this: I won’t be looking back.

Sincerely, 

Ex

PS. I have already moved out. And I took my TV.